Child-Less Living
Rain is pounding against my windows and intermittent thunder roars outside. The wind is picking up. A bright burst of lightning crashes into view.
What better time to write then during a thunderstorm?
I had plans to head to the Awaken Expo, a holistic health and healing event, after yoga this morning but with this storm raging, I came home to wait it out. Once I got in the door, I called out for Charlie and went looking for my scared pup.
During thunderstorms, he hides in the bathroom or under the basement steps. This time, he was in the basement and didn’t even get up when I came to greet him. Frozen in fear, he stayed huddled, cuddling into himself. I got down on the floor to soothe him, stretching into the dark space under the stairs.
“It’s okay, buddy. You’re safe. I’m here.”
His breathing relaxed a bit and I was able to sit down with my laptop. I decided to stay in the basement with him and write until the storm passes so he didn’t have to be alone.
It reminds me of the inevitable fireworks every summer. I laid on the bathroom floor with him, serving as his weighted blanket, offering comfort. I’d do anything for Charlie. He’s my whole world. If I had bigger responsibilities, like children, I wouldn’t be able to give Charlie the time and energy he deserves.
Child-Less Living
I decided long ago that I didn’t want to have children. This conscious choice was made before I met by husband. My list of reasons is long but here are a few to consider:
Raising kids today is scary and comes with significant challenges brought about by phones and social media, bullies, school shootings, and so much more. I give credit to parents trying to navigate what’s best for their kids in this environment and I don’t think I have the strength or stamina to do it myself.
I prioritize and need sleep in my life to be able to function. I know that having kids would wreck my sleep pattern for years and that would negatively impact my mental health leading to issues in many other areas of my life.
I realize how much money it costs to raise a kid in this society and only now, in my 40s have I reached financial freedom. If I had children, I’d likely be living paycheck to paycheck and be extremely stressed about money.
When I openly share this with people, especially parents, they tend to say: “Yes, it is scary, difficult, and challenging to raise kids, and I don’t get enough sleep, and I am stressed about money - but it’s worth it.”
If that’s you, I believe you. I understand that you feel that having kids is a rewarding trade-off that provides all kinds of benefits that I can’t possibly imagine.
The world needs people like you, and I am grateful for your service to mankind. You’re doing a great job! You chose the hardest job that exists by raising one (or more) little humans and that takes so much of yourself: your energy, your heart, your soul.
Thank you!
Just because I don’t want to be a parent doesn’t mean I think any less of people who do want to be parents. Quite the opposite. I think (most) parents are awe-inspiring!
What I do find frustrating is the people who think less of me because I don’t want that life and prefer to be a dog-mom instead.
I Won’t Name Names…
Over the years, others have tried to tell me what I’m missing out on by not being a parent but none of what they suggest as worthwhile sounds like something I want.
Others have told me I will regret my decision when I’m older and that I won’t have anyone to take care of me. I hope to stay healthy until the day I die but if that doesn’t happen, then I will have saved enough money by not having kids to have the very best aids wipe my ass. I wouldn’t want the indignity of someone I know feeling forced to do that anyway.
Others have tried to warn me that I’ll find nothing as rewarding as parenthood, or that I’ll never find a love as deep or a connection as strong, and I politely disagree.
Raising a dog is absolutely not the same as raising a kid. I recognize the vast differences between them but I do believe I share the deepest love and connection with my Charlie.
As I type this, he is now softly snoring next to me and I am grateful to have helped him remain calm enough to relax and rest during this storm. It’s an honor to be his caretaker in this lifetime.
I haven’t regretted my decision to remain childless at all, not even for a minute. That’s how I know this was the right choice for me. I’m extremely grateful to have met a partner that also didn’t want children so we can share this fulfilling life together.
It makes me wonder if others who try to convince me that becoming a parent is the right move are actually trying to convince themselves.
I’m grateful to have not given in to the pressure of others and listened to my heart instead. Whatever you choose, make sure you choose what YOU want, not what society pressures you to do. Unfortunately, giving in to the ideas of what is expected of us often leaves us in places we don’t want to be.
Journal Prompts:
Recognizing that sometimes people have or don’t have children or pets for reasons outside of their control, do you have or want children? Do you have or want pets? Why or why not? Write about that big life decision and all the factors that have gone into it for you.
What role does society, your family, and others play in the other big life decisions you’ve made thus far?
Write a long list of gratitude for all the many blessings in your life - the people, the pets, and the relationships you cherish to the experiences you share. Try to fill a whole page (or two) with a detailed list of all that you are grateful for today.
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I agree whole heartedly and have never regretted my decision not to have kids and I’m old now! Grateful to live in a time and place when we can make that choice too.