From overwhelm and burnout...
...to finding laughter and lounging on a Sunday
Life is funny. Not funny like a well-curated sitcom written by seasoned staff writers creating gentle laughs on cue, but more like a new stand-up comic trying out jokes during an Open Mic Night in a dingy basement. Sometimes it lands well, other times it creates awkward, nervous laughter, and sometimes it can be downright offensive. Mostly, it depends on how open you are to finding the humor in whatever is offered.
My husband is having a shitty day. He is doing his prep for a colonoscopy and napping between sips of the disgusting drink that cleans out his colon. The old joke he uttered every time a friend mentioned a prostate exam was no longer funny to him: “Hey doc, why do you have both hands on my shoulders?” Instead, he’s hangry and exhausted. While this is a routine prevention procedure for him, it reminds me of the colonoscopy I had prescribed when I was in my twenties.
My mom offered to drive me to the appointment, the fifth and most intrusive test ordered by my doctor to try to figure out what was causing the intermittent lightning bolts of searing pain in my stomach. Beforehand, I sat at her house, drinking the medicine required to empty the body while playing with my new nephew. My parents were babysitting us both. “It’s a poopy party with you two,” my dad said, laughing.
The procedure finally revealed something the previous four tests could not find: a stomach ulcer. The open sores in my stomach lining felt like my body was eating itself. I remember describing it to the doctor as, “a fiery death of my insides.” That’s no joke.
The pain was significant but not enough to get me to slow down at work. I saw slowing down as failure and I could not allow it, regardless of the physical pain it caused. Now I find that idea simply laughable.
Slowing down is no longer considered a failure, it’s the goal. Not only do I want to stop climbing the corporate ladder, I want to trade the ladder in for a hammock.
Lounging on my deck on a warm spring day, half listening to the Phillies win, half dozing - that’s the dream and I’m grateful to be living it. But back then, I would be spending my Sundays getting ahead on emails, preparing reports for the week, and doing whatever I could to prove myself. “Prove myself to who?” I wonder now, “And why?”
The monthly migraines should have been enough to get me to slow down at work, but my strong work ethic blended with my people-pleasing mentality and I couldn’t figure a way out of the maze those two created.
After the stomach pains started, I searched for a solution but each doctor’s visit that took me out of the office created even more havoc within my schedule and more stress - which I learned later was causing the stomach pains.
With eight back-to-back meetings each day, events at night and on weekends, and the work of multiple people on my shoulders, I was drowning. But I wouldn’t let anyone see the struggle. I kept a calm posture and straight face as my insides were flailing.
When the stress hives broke out across my belly, I finally started listening to my gut. I hid my failure by blaming the birth of my new nephew as the reason I had to move back closer to home and leave my job in the city. The migraines stopped almost immediately. As the pressure in the world around me diminished, so did the pressure inside my head. After finding yoga, and stopping the cycle of stress in my life, the ulcer healed and I haven’t had those stomach pains in over a decade.
Looking back, I can laugh at the immature view of the world I had back then and the long road I demanded I take to get to this happy place. I thought I knew it all, believed that work was the most important way to showcase success, and was completely bought into our capitalist culture that demands perfection.
Now, I see success as a measure of how rested and connected I feel. I still work hard and am passionate about my job, but I am much more focused on how many trips I can take with my husband and dog to the mountains and how many times I find myself on my yoga mat or meditation cushion. I define success as being able to spend Sundays writing whatever I want and being curious and creative.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today but sat down to start just as my husband farted. “Ut-oh, the medicine is starting to work,” I said. We both laughed out loud. Life is funny like that.
Laughter is the best antidote to life’s crazy twists and turns and that requires being open to the lessons. I never could have imagined the full circle I’ve made from being a workaholic in Washington, DC with a stomach ulcer and migraines, to now being a trauma-informed yoga teacher working in health promotion and publishing a book on healing.
It is hilarious if you think about it - the way life shows us what we need to know and how long it can take for us to recognize the lessons for what they are. It’s like a new comedian sharing a punchline too soon and it falls flat, the audience unsure and quiet, still waiting for the reveal. Other times life’s jokes hit so well that I can’t help but belly laugh at the absurdity, cheeks hurting from smiles that aim to break my jaw. And sometimes it’s just a silly fart joke that brings about a giggle. Either way, life is funny.
Journal Prompts:
Research finds that laughter helps to turn off the stress response in the body so take time to laugh out loud today. Watch a stand-up comedy show or clips of open mic nights online, whatever you like. Here’s one of my favorite go-to videos that I use to talk about laughter in workshops on burnout. Enjoy whatever makes you laugh then write about how it feels in the body to let go and laugh out loud.
A fantastic read that shares this research is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by the Nagoski Sisters. Highly recommend.
When looking back on your life so far, can you see the jokes life was trying to offer you earlier? How can you open yourself up to finding the humor in the lessons offered?
On a scale of completely chill to a full-blown workaholic, how would you rate your work-life balance? Are you happy with your answer? What are small changes you can make to move further along the continuum to be where you want to be - wherever that is? How can laughter help?
Love your new measure of success, Katie!
I work quite a lot over here...but I've arranged my work to centre things I enjoy, minimize anything that brings me dread, and to be on my own schedule. So, while I work 7 days a week, I have time each day for yoga, meditation, slow meals, reading novels, etc. I think, for me, this is balance. It just looks a bit different than other people's version.