Processing Grief

Savoring the Present with Playfulness

Earlier this week, I shared a note about the ambiguous grief I’m feeling as I process the health changes of my 8-year-old retriever mix, Charlie. It’s been heartbreaking to see him struggle. Check it out below:

*Thank you to everyone who responded to the note above with kindness and support.

Writing is Powerful

The note above is an example of how I process my emotions. Without planning, I started typing and the words just fell out. I usually start with “I feel” or “I’ve been feeling” and see what comes. Before writing the note, I wouldn’t have known I was feeling 1) distracted 2) emotional, and 3) unbalanced. I would have thought I felt sad.

Isn’t it funny how the emotional range includes happy, sad, and angry - but not much else? Have you ever used a wheel of emotions when writing to figure out what’s going on in your head and heart? Try it!

Image by @trainingsbyromy on Instagram

After looking at the Wheel of Emotions, I identified sadness and saw underlying emotions of guilt and powerlessness. Yes. That’s what I’m feeling!

When writing, the heaviness in my heart can take a load off and the darkness inside can find the light. Writing out the conflicting feelings in my heart helps me experience them fully.

It’s like I need to get my heart and brain on the same page by putting them on paper together. This way I can see my thoughts and feel my feelings when I re-read the words.

Then without much thought, I shared it online.

Usually, I don’t share those writings with the world online but with Substack, I’m feeling supported and able to be open and honest and real and raw. Thank you for that.

After I shared the note above, I sobbed. I cried the pain and sorrow right out of my body. The tears released the emotions that I didn’t know I was storing.

Then I talked to my husband about it. We both are feeling the pains of ambiguous grief - maybe more like anticipatory grief. Sharing openly allowed us both to experience the pain and then let some of it go.

Only through writing am I able to explore the depth of my soul, make meaning of my emotions, and feel stable enough to share them.

Later, when I sat on the couch and opened my laptop to begin my weekly Substack post, Charlie snuggled up against my feet on the floor. After about 10 minutes of sulking in sadness, writing about anticipatory grief, of the fear of losing him sometime in the future, he let out a single sharp bark. “Hey!” he was saying. “I’m still here!”

Immediately, I understood.

I put the laptop down and got onto the floor to rub his belly. I was reminded that writing can help me process emotions - but the real trick is to learn how to live in the present moment and savor the moments that matter.

So that’s what I’m doing - instead of writing a long post today explaining this revelation, I’m going to go play with my pup. I encourage you to go play as well.

If you’re looking for more to read - check out my previous post on my Word of the Year - Playfulness. *Timely reminder, right? We should all make time for play!

My favorite pic of Charlie <3

Journal Prompts:

1. Write about the pets you’ve loved in your life. What do relationships with animals and pets mean to you?

2. Have you ever felt ambiguous grief - feeling the complex emotions surrounding loss that isn’t clearly defined? How about anticipatory grief - the waiting for impending loss? How do you process theses types of grief?

3. Utilize the wheel of emotions to discover the depth of your emotions. Write out whatever comes to you as you spin the wheel and find out what you’re feeling.

Thank you for reading Write to Heal. Please hit that heart button❤️if you made it this far. I’d love to hear your thoughts about grief, savoring, and playfulness.

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