Writing through Grief Becomes a 5-Star Published Book
Interview with Cheryl Cantafio on writing, poetry, and publishing
With summer officially over in my world, I am busy welcoming college students back to campus. I’ve got an amazing lineup of interviews with inspiring people over the next few weeks while I’m putting in extra hours at my day job. You’re in for a treat for this first interview with published author, podcast co-host, and mother of two mischievous mini-dachshunds, Cheryl Cantafio.
Cheryl and I met through a mutual friend then got to know each other on the local author circuit around Conshohocken, PA. She is a genuine supporter of other authors in our community and I have been impressed with her ability to build community. I am honored she was able to take the time to be interviewed for the Write to Heal community.
Cheryl, we’ve talked many times about how writing is a powerful tool for healing. Can you share with us how writing has helped you on your healing journey?
I write better than I verbalize my emotions. When I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer over two years ago, if you asked me how I was doing, I was pretty monosyllabic: I feel sad. I feel mad. I feel alone. I'm fine. Writing poetry about her death, though? The pain, the fear, the rage, the hurt, the guilt - all of it just poured out onto the pages.
Poetry helped me wrench open a rusty release valve. It helped me discover how to navigate my personal grief and loss journey. I think it helped others, too.
Beautifully said, Cheryl. You do have a way with words. Your first book, My Stay with the Sisters came out of that experience of writing to process grief. Tell us about it.
My Stay with the Sisters is a poetry collection for those who have experienced a profound loss. The Sisters are Grief and Gratitude. They invite the readers into their home, where they are welcome to explore rooms and poems within the home (for example, the Rage Room for anger, the Kitchen for reminiscence, the Garden for growth). In the end, the Sisters provide a goodie bag to readers. The goodie bag contains a key for any time they need to return to process their loss.
You’re so creative! What was that like - to take the poetic words you wrote for yourself to process your grief and then publish it and share it with the world?
I went through many iterations of I want this, I need to do this and I don't want to do this. Looking back on the whole experience, this little book of mine clawed its way out to the world. My feelings about it be damned.
I originally started writing the poems for an online challenge, where one could submit 15 poems and have them published. After some exploration, it felt like that challenge wasn't on the up-and-up. But, there they were: 15 poems that explored grief and gratitude.
I shared the poems with a few friends. One of them came back and said, I think you should publish these. I think these will help people. I decided to forge ahead and challenged myself to write 100 poems to create a book. I think I wound up with 108 or 110!
I secured a wonderful illustrator; we instantly connected. I asked the universe (a.k.a., a Facebook writing group) for a poetry editor. One appeared almost 15 minutes after the initial request, and my words and poems felt safe with her. I had another friend in publishing guide me through all the dos and don'ts.
When the book started to come together and feel very real, I panicked and thought, Nah, not publishing. It felt too vulnerable to share it.
After sitting on it for a month, I told myself I had already paid the editor and the illustrator, and it would be disrespectful not to publish it, so I set a date. I searched Amazon for my book on its release date, May 9th, and felt relief the book made it to the finish line and then panicked about how it would be received.
Placing those poems into the world has been a gift. I feel like I've found a community, and readers feel less alone when exploring their own losses.
Yes, vulnerability can be scary but then it’s worth it! Being vulnerable and connecting with others is another powerful strategy for healing.
You've been co-hosting You Only Go Once podcast since December 2022 which brings people together to open up and connect about living life to the fullest. Can you share the premise and why you started it? What have you learned about yourself from that experience?
You Only Go Once is a podcast dedicated to exploring stories around the limited time we have on this earth to create a fully-layered life. My co-host, Eileen Walsh, and I love sitting down with people from all different walks of life and listening to their stories.
I've learned so much from our guests. They are brave, vulnerable, witty, and have a clear sense of themselves. I've learned the more you share, the more you connect. I've learned that if you ask, people will surprise you and say yes.
We've co-hosted for over a year, and I can't wait to share more stories when we return from our summer sabbatical. The other thing I've learned: Take rest when you need it. This self-imposed sabbatical has been much needed!
Check out the episode where Cheryl and Eileen interviewed me on YOGO here:
You’ve now finished your second book: A Place No Flowers Grow which is a book in verse that uses poetry to create a modern-day gothic tale. I’m intrigued! It's coming out in a month, on September 24, but it’s on pre-order now. Tell us about it. Where did the inspiration come from for that story?
Yes! I'm so excited for people to read A Place No Flowers Grow. It's a gothic poetic tale (think Frankenstein and Edgar Allan Poe vibes) and it's great for spooky season reading. It's a complete departure from my first book.
Its key theme is eff around and find out.
There are three main characters: Octavia, an optimistic doctor with a passion for the scientific world of plants and flowers; Roen, an innovator looking for a fresh start; and Fox, a regal, intelligent arctic animal in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's a mix of romanticism and dark fairy tale.
It was a blast to write. I hope people enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
The inspiration for this book came from a short story I wrote a few years ago for a NYC Midnight challenge. I had to write a short story that had to include a glacier as a location, horror as the genre, and toxic waste as an object. Wild, right?
My husband (Tito) loved the short story, and wanted me to turn it into a full novel. But, I couldn't quite get it there. Then I read Numinous Stones by Holly Lyn Walrath, and she used a gorgeous poetry form called Pantoum in her book.
Pantoum definition: a poem of any length, written in quatrains, in which the second and fourth lines of one stanza are repeated as the first and third, respectively, in the next stanza. Learn more about Pantoum form of poetry here.
It was a lightbulb moment, the Pantoum form, and the whole thing came together rather quickly after embracing that type of poetry.
We have many people here on Substack who are toying with the idea of publishing. Can you share a bit about your publishing process? Any tips to share with aspiring authors?
Because I went somewhat blind into self-publishing, I enjoyed the process and I learned a lot about it.
There are some things I won't do on my own again, like formatting books. As much as the self-publishing tool I used (Ingram Spark) was relatively user-friendly, I had a heck of a time formatting the paperback and e-book on my own. Leave the formatting to the pros! I also highly recommend editors. Bless the editors, y'all. They point out the blind spots. They will make your books so much better.
I learned about the importance of having a good book cover. People who say they don't judge a book by its cover are full of malarkey. I love my book cover and its color.
I learned that having friends read your book is nice, but they aren't going to view your book from a publishing, editing, beta reader mindset.
Join a writers group. While ultimately you write alone, surrounding yourself with other writers is really helpful, especially when you’re struggling with writer’s block or are having a bad day. I’m part of a few groups and their encouragement and talent are so inspiring and motivating.
And the most important lesson I learned: Just write it. it doesn't matter if you think the story's been told before. It's your story. Write it. Share it. You'll be amazed by who connects with your words and your perspective.
Thank you for sharing these useful tips with us. You’re full of valuable information, Cheryl! How can people find you and connect with you?
Connect with me on my website to find where I’ll be doing book signings and other author events as I’d love to meet in person if you’re local. Scroll to the bottom to subscribe for exclusive updates and my monthly newsletter.
WEBSITE: https://www.cherylcantafio.com/
BOOKS: My Stay with the Sisters and A Place No Flowers Grow are both available to purchase now.
PODCAST: You Only Go Once Y.O.G.O and follow on Insta
CONNECT: Find me and say hello on Insta
Thank you, Cheryl, for sharing some insights into poetry, publishing, and your passion for connecting with others. I appreciate your time.
Journal Prompts:
Cheryl shared about going back and forth about publishing her poems about grief but in the end, felt it was a gift to herself and others. Can you relate? Write about any experiences or situations that you debated doing or being a part of but were grateful you did in the end. How can this offer a lesson for the future?
Are there any poems you’ve read that have stuck with you over the years? If so, find them and re-read them. Then write about how poetry has the power to speak in ways that words can not. Consider writing a poem - perhaps using the Pantoum technique Cheryl mentioned above.
If you could interview any author, who would it be? What would you ask them?
Thank you for reading Write to Heal. Please hit that heart button❤️if you made it this far. I’d love to hear your thoughts about writing to heal, poetry, and publishing.
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Fragile Thoughts: A Healing Memoir is available anywhere books are sold.
Dear Katie, thank you for sharing Cheryl’s work. I will check her book out. I really resonate with her story. I’m hoping to publish my own grief poems and am on a huge learning curve in the process💛✨💛
Great interview, her books sound amazing and are now both on my list!